On turning 30

Ever since I turned 25, I just wished people would stop counting. I'ts like the more I aged, the younger my friendships became. I moved from being the youngest to being the next oldest in the group, the fact that I look years younger did nothing to ease my frustration. The reality is that I am getting old with nothing to show for it. No husband, no kids, no career boom, no overflowing bank account. The injustice I felt was insummountable..but I have now learnt to accept responsibility for my under-achievement by changing strategy. Anyway, enough rattling for one article, let's get to the jist of the matter, the reason why I decided to write about turning 30.
I remember when I first heard Aaliyah's song "Age aint nothing but a number", I think it was back in 1996 when I said to myself.."how dillusional of her because she is dating R. Kelly she all of a sudden wants to justify hooking up with an older brother by telling us that age is only a digit?"
When the song first played on the radio, I think I was still a teenager which explains my then youthful, raw and inexperienced "dillusional" reaction to the song. I said a lot of NEVER's back then and one of them being that I'll never hide my age from anybody subsequently getting enraged from reading articles where women were reluctant in revealing their age.
I remember at the time that all I wanted to achieve was turning 21 because turning 21 meant getting your parents off your back in terms of decision making. Turning 21 for me meant the huge celebration which is usually followed by Total Freedom from all imprisonment..I was looking forward to getting older in fact, all I could think about was getting older but now all I can think about is staying young.
Now that I am 29, my wish is for time to just stand still and the world clock to stop running. Now I can passionately identify with the lyrics "Age aint nothing but a number" because the thought of turning 30 scares the living daylights out of me. It's like time is getting smaller and smaller with every month that passes. I wouldn't say that it's the age thing that depresses me but I think it is the unrealised goals that frightens me. More shame than fright. I have met girls over and under 30 whom I think should not be bothered by age because they are living the "young girl" dream. The "young girl "dream is stability by 30 all around inclusive of career, finances, family, socially etc. To me the young girl dream means not compromising and settling on what you want and so far my track record is filled with compromises.
If I were to do a goal check on career, finances, family and social life, the only place that will get a tick would be my social life and morality which deserve raving reviews as the actual results far exceed target. I have lived the cleanest life I could live and socialized the best way I learned how but as for the rest of the goals, it is back to the drawing board for me since they all scored in the negative with finance scoring the lowest.
My spending has drastically reduced, but not drastic enough to make a positive impact. I learnt that the greatest secret to getting rich is not by drastically cutting down, but it is by drastically increasing your income yet keeping your expenditure constant. It is by coming up with innovative ideas of generating more money accompanied by an equally innovative and courageous spirit to execute. I must admit that I have been overperforming on the ideas but under-delivering on the execution..I need to start being very procedural on the planning and very stringent on the timing. My friend said to me yesterday, that I am going to expire next year when I turn 30. She was making fun of me and she is 28 which means as soon as I turn 30, there will be exactly, 6 months before she also turns 30 as her birthdate is April 79 and mine September 78..Very disparaging of her to pass such a remark but I guess I deserve it after constantly making our other friend feel bad for being unmarried at 35. My friend Nong used to say that "marriage is not a degree" obviously responding to the repeated pressure that women place on men to get married. I don't expect him to relate so I never engaged with him on this one. The answer is simple..The kick that women get out of the desire to want to get married is the same kind of kick that men get out of the desire to succeed in business. No one desire can claim superiority over another because the depth and value of the need is unknown. Too personal to accurately gauge.