Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Affirmations: I am the best there is

I am the best there is.
I am better than the best there is and the best there ever was
All the drive and ambition I need in order to achieve my goal resides in me
I am just as gifted as the best player in my field if not more
If I want to win, I must first think and feel like a winner
I am good at what I do
No task is too difficult to learn or too complex to solve
Everyday in every way I am getting better and better at what I do
I develop a winning strategy for every single project that I embark on
I cannot lose because I think like a winner
My attitude has changed for the better and the light in me shines through every encounter along the way
I have not made it yet because I have not been working smart enough
My achievement is as good as conquered for as long as my eyes remain focused on the bigger picture
Always start with the end in mind and leave the means to the end for universe to arrange. It is not my job to figure out the where, when and how. My job is to simply receive.
Whatever I say I am, I become. Whatever I say I have, I possess. Whatever I say I do, I accomplish. All I have to do is to keep on remembering how powerful I am and soon all my intangible desires will become concrete
Failure is good for me because it is through failure that I learn the lessons necessary to move me closer to my goal
Every failure acts as an assurance to let me know that success is just around the corner if I can just hold on and never give up.
Ask, you shall receive. Fear not, you shall conquer. Hang on, for you are about to reap
It is through thought that we create and today I choose to think only those thoughts that that will benefit my life and help in creating the future that I have always aspired towards

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

On Bullying

I am only going to talk about what I call mental bullying because if you are over 21 years of age and you are still being physically bullied or you are physically bullying others..then I have this to say to you.."Go buy yourself some self-esteem."
Seriously, I don't expect to come across a 21 year old that still promises " go mura batho" or to break people noses. If such people still exist, then I strongly advise psychotherapy cause this blog can't help you. This blog is for well-balanced mature minds and not juvenile delinquents who have no intention of outgrowing the adolescence stage.
Ok..back to the main topic..My latest encounter with a bullying character has been been very recent, luckily very brief and slightly traumatic cause I believe that others have been through worse. My experience was sort of like Bullying 101, An introduction to the nature and activities that constitutes bullying.
1. How to spot a bully,
2. How to determine the nature of the bullying
3. how to tackle your tomentor and
4. how to end the bullying.
My situation came as a shock cause it was totally unexpected..At first I could not see that I was being bullied, I simply thought of the guy as rude.
You know when you have just met a boy that you really like and he introduces you to his friends, and they all seem to like you except for one guy. You have done nothing to upset him, yet he doesn't like you. This guy is usually the most intelligent in the group but not always the smartest. and NO! this particular boy did not have a crush on me. I have nothing in common with him. I am not his type and he is not mine
His bullying of me was of a mental nature where he would play subtle mind games that left me looking and feeling foolish and inadequate. . And he was so skilled at it as none of the friends caught onto his bullying including my date. I guess his objective was to push me to a point of emotional outburst but I refused to break. There was this one time when he made a racial comment that pushed me so close to the edge, I almost tipped over. I felt a Kelis "caught out there" eruption coming on..and I nearly yelled "I hate you so much right now" but then I opted to rather not let my freak side show. I immediately thought to myself " Jerks like him doesn't deserve a moral reprimand cause they are beyond enlightenment. So I just looked at him calmly and said.."Well If you feel that way..I guess you are entitled to your belief." That's how I won the war against my tomenter and stopped the bullying.
1. By boldly accepting dates even if it meant seeing my tomentor once again
2. By continually asserting myself in a polite manner
3. Never avoided seating beside him if the opportunity arose
4. Never tried to force a friendship with him nor pretended to like him
5. Always acted independently happy despite his rude remarks
6. Always exuded confidence by acting cheerful whenever I was in his presence
7. Never purposely locked him out of the conversation
8. Never complained to my date or his friends about him
9. Never broke down emotionally in front of the group
10. Understood that the buck stopped with me. I had to handle him myself..
The morale of the story is I lost several wars with him, but I won the battle. I stood eyeball to eyeball with my bully and he blinked. The next time you get confronted by a bully either from the current or past life, I want you to walk up to him, look him in the eye and "agree with whatever he is saying." If he says that he will break your nose, look him straight in the eye and tell him that you know very well that he will break your nose that is why you are stepping away from him and let him win the fight. Tell him in the most unthreatening tone possible that you acknowledge his arnold swazzerneger muscles hence the surrendering on your part. No opponent..No fight. You win by letting him showacase his stupidity in public. Spectators are smart enough to tell a hero from a zero.

Monday, November 5, 2007

On Being dealt a low-blow

Get over it cause you are not the first, and neither are you the second nor the last. People from all walks of life have been dealt the low blows since the beginning of time. How you will get you through this, is in knowing that you are bigger than the problem and not the other way around. If the problem was bigger than you, then God wouldn't have assigned it to you because he only assigns problems according to capacity.
Once you are faced with a challenge, no matter how big, you have to sit still and acknowledge the following
1. Running away means a recurring problem
2. You already have the capacity and the wisdom to solve this problem
3. Do not procrastinate.Do not be afraid because any form of hesitation eats aways at your strength
4. Don't depend highly on others to offer their solution to the problem
5. Take ownership until the problem is solved.
6. Be alert. Pay attention..Look to the universe for clues on how to solve the problem
7. Be resourceful. Question everything. Leave no stone unturned
8. Develop strategy based on all evidence gathered.
9. Cautiously execute strategy whilst paying more attention to universal feedback. This means don't execute blindly..Keep watching out for re-direction clues eg. dreams, intuition, music, reading and other unsolicited channels
10. Seek universal confirmation that the debt is settled
It is not always easy to know when a debt is settled because you might get distracted by a new event in your life and simply forget e.g. A job promotion can make you forget about your financial challenges for a while. You might think that your problems will miraculously dissappear because of increased earnings but this has proved wrong in the majority of cases including mine. It is a mental illusion to think that money problems are solved by money because what guarantee is there that the extra funds will be pumped into reducing the size of the debt? More money for some people, could mean the creation of more debts like acquiring a bigger car or a bigger house. Money problems are more spiritual and mental than physical. If you feel whole as a person and are mentally disciplined beyond peer pressure then you wouldn't need to spend money unnecessarily to the point of ITC listing. The remedy for all debt is a disciplined mind. No success in this world can ever be achieved without discipline of the five faculties plus one. The faculties are mental, physical, financial, social, emotional and spiritual.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

On Ageing

What is age? Dr Deepak Chopra said that there are three different kind of ages..The chronological age is the one that appears on your ID document, passport and drivers license. The one that people ask you about when they are trying to get to know you.
The second type is the psychological age which has everything to do with your state of mind for example the kind of thoughts you hold in your head determines your age. If you feel young at heart, you probably are. If you feel old, chances are your consciousness will reflect this.
The last type is the biological age, which is the state of your physical body. Are you 22 years old, yet you are suffering from old people's disease like heart attack, diabetes, obesity etc. An unhealthy body negatively affects your lifespan thus speeding up your ageing proces. Obesity can cause all kinds of biological complications that will ultimately lead to an early death. If you are 50 and have never been sick, you are probably operating at a physiological age of a 20 something year old, which means that your body has the energy to effectively carry out the physical activities of a 25 year old with great ease. He continued to say that a real determinant of age is not your chronological age, but the pshychological and biological age and the good news about the last two is that they can be reversed. If you nurture your pshycological and physiological being and keep them away from "sickness" , chances are you can successfully defy ageing and your chronological age becomes just another number.
So taking the above into consideration..My age analysis is as follows..Chronologically 29, Psychologically 39, Physiologically 19. I have the wisdom of a 40 year old, the innocence of a 20 year old and the shockin reality of a 30 year old. What does all of this mean? It means don't rush things based on your age, afterall age is just a number, but don't drag things either. Your age can be a great guide in terms of universal timing so don't ignore it completely, it has some use.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

On sex before marriage

The best thing to do is to wait to have sex until you are married but if you couldn't wait like me, just be responsible about it. Enough said. Why give you a lecture on a subject that you can research for yourself through your own experiences.. I think lessons about love and sex are individual and self-research based and were never meant to be spoonfed. I could be wrong but that's my belief. I am of the view that we learn more efficiently when we experience things for ourselves instead of being told what to expect.Whether you choose to get down and dirty before or after marriage, it really doesn't make that much of a difference if you promise to act responsibly in either situation cause there are plenty of irresponsible married adults who are having sex and the consequences are fatal. It's not enough to be smart, you have to act smart too. Peer pressure has a place in your growth but not in your future.

On turning 30

Ever since I turned 25, I just wished people would stop counting. I'ts like the more I aged, the younger my friendships became. I moved from being the youngest to being the next oldest in the group, the fact that I look years younger did nothing to ease my frustration. The reality is that I am getting old with nothing to show for it. No husband, no kids, no career boom, no overflowing bank account. The injustice I felt was insummountable..but I have now learnt to accept responsibility for my under-achievement by changing strategy. Anyway, enough rattling for one article, let's get to the jist of the matter, the reason why I decided to write about turning 30.
I remember when I first heard Aaliyah's song "Age aint nothing but a number", I think it was back in 1996 when I said to myself.."how dillusional of her because she is dating R. Kelly she all of a sudden wants to justify hooking up with an older brother by telling us that age is only a digit?"
When the song first played on the radio, I think I was still a teenager which explains my then youthful, raw and inexperienced "dillusional" reaction to the song. I said a lot of NEVER's back then and one of them being that I'll never hide my age from anybody subsequently getting enraged from reading articles where women were reluctant in revealing their age.
I remember at the time that all I wanted to achieve was turning 21 because turning 21 meant getting your parents off your back in terms of decision making. Turning 21 for me meant the huge celebration which is usually followed by Total Freedom from all imprisonment..I was looking forward to getting older in fact, all I could think about was getting older but now all I can think about is staying young.
Now that I am 29, my wish is for time to just stand still and the world clock to stop running. Now I can passionately identify with the lyrics "Age aint nothing but a number" because the thought of turning 30 scares the living daylights out of me. It's like time is getting smaller and smaller with every month that passes. I wouldn't say that it's the age thing that depresses me but I think it is the unrealised goals that frightens me. More shame than fright. I have met girls over and under 30 whom I think should not be bothered by age because they are living the "young girl" dream. The "young girl "dream is stability by 30 all around inclusive of career, finances, family, socially etc. To me the young girl dream means not compromising and settling on what you want and so far my track record is filled with compromises.
If I were to do a goal check on career, finances, family and social life, the only place that will get a tick would be my social life and morality which deserve raving reviews as the actual results far exceed target. I have lived the cleanest life I could live and socialized the best way I learned how but as for the rest of the goals, it is back to the drawing board for me since they all scored in the negative with finance scoring the lowest.
My spending has drastically reduced, but not drastic enough to make a positive impact. I learnt that the greatest secret to getting rich is not by drastically cutting down, but it is by drastically increasing your income yet keeping your expenditure constant. It is by coming up with innovative ideas of generating more money accompanied by an equally innovative and courageous spirit to execute. I must admit that I have been overperforming on the ideas but under-delivering on the execution..I need to start being very procedural on the planning and very stringent on the timing. My friend said to me yesterday, that I am going to expire next year when I turn 30. She was making fun of me and she is 28 which means as soon as I turn 30, there will be exactly, 6 months before she also turns 30 as her birthdate is April 79 and mine September 78..Very disparaging of her to pass such a remark but I guess I deserve it after constantly making our other friend feel bad for being unmarried at 35. My friend Nong used to say that "marriage is not a degree" obviously responding to the repeated pressure that women place on men to get married. I don't expect him to relate so I never engaged with him on this one. The answer is simple..The kick that women get out of the desire to want to get married is the same kind of kick that men get out of the desire to succeed in business. No one desire can claim superiority over another because the depth and value of the need is unknown. Too personal to accurately gauge.

On dating younger men

Maaaann, what a daunting topic..the rules that are applicable to you are the rules that you must set for yourself in terms of career, relationships, finances, family etc.
Some of the societal rules that are being enforced upon mankind are ridiculously restrictive and may cause a lot of resentment if not adapted to suit the person or the situation at hand. People have different life exposures which may result in equally unorthodox approaches to life.
I used to be one of those people who thought that dating young is sinful and should not be allowed to happen. My view was very gender biased as I am female and I strongly felt that women who date younger men has a psychological condition that calls for urgent therapeutic intervention.
I thought how relationship desperate can you get that you'd resort to dating and even marrying a younger man. I thought dating young was a product of a hopeless powerful executive and the ill-bred toyboy who only want to score financially.
Little did I know that one of these days I will become that woman but the shocking discovery was that when it happened I was just an ordinary office worker who had not extra cash to distribute and that my partner at the time..was not a money scorer but was in it because of his genuine liking for me which was demonstrated by all the dinner and movie bills that he settled without asking for a cent from me. Besides I don't even think that he knew that I was older because I look like a "sweet 16", not a day older than 21, FRESH OUT OF THE FARM, springchicken from woolies. Hence my love for make-up because it adds a couple of years to my youthful look, not that I want to look my age, but looking young has its own disadvantages like being approached by a younger market because they mistake you for a youngster. The challenge about being approached by younger men is the difference in mindset because socially, you are at remotely diverse places. He wants to explore, discover and learn, but you have discovered and learned and all you want to do is teach and grow. For more information on the life growth stages as established by me, please see the post called life's purpose situation in this very blog.
Even though I sound comfortable talking about my young squeeze, the weirdest thing is that I never asked for his age because I thought that I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew..I figured if he was still at varsity on a full time basis, the chances are he has not turned 25 yet. so I let the age thing lie besides he was not an SA citizen so that helped in easing the conscience. I thought to myself "soon this will be over, so I don't have to know". But imangine if he stayed and never left.. Would I continue with the relationship. The answer is capital YES. I'd still confidently date him because he was an amazing man and I don't regret ever getting involved with him. Besides he was a total dish, too gorgeous to eat....Tall, lean, handsome, moved like a tiger yet he had the most reassuring smile I have ever seen. Being with him felt safe and secure, yet wild and exciting at the same time..I always felt protected when I was around him.
So if you have never dated young before..My advise for you is to not plan for it but to go with the flow if and when it happens. Life is too short to be worried about what others think of you..As long as you are not hurting anybody in the process, then by all means GO HAVE SOME FUN and who knows, your encounter with a younger man may end up permanent..which is fine just as long you both are fine..